I Hate Everything About You
by MadMaryRoberts
Summary: Harley Quinn loves her Mistah J, right? That devotion is tested in the very capable hands of his arch nemesis, Batman. BMxHQ Chapter 7 is up. Happy early Valentine's day.
1. I Shot in the Dark

I Hate Everything About You…

Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters of Batman or any song lyrics that I may use in this piece.

I. Just a Shot in the Dark

She's running, adrenaline pumping through her body and her muscles ache with strain. 'How'd this happen? What went wrong? When did I slip?' Her frantic thoughts are interrupted as she narrowly dodges an exploding pie. He was quite angry with her.

No.

No, she'd seen him angry, this was livid, blind fury. He'd hit her, insulted her and disturbed her with punishments before; this is different.

This wasn't going to be punishment. If he caught her he wouldn't do any of those things bash, belittle, or unnerve. If he caught her, he was surely going to kill her.

She trips and her heart stops, 'So this is it, huh? Murdered by who you love? Good job, Harl, he's never gonna look at you again after tonight.'

'_But he doesn't love you._' That voice… _His_ voice ran through her head. She feels her pursuer yank her up by her decorative collar, seething.

"You _will_ regret every second of it, you treacherous little harlot!" She winces, knowing that he used that particular insult on purpose because it always got to her. She then looks on to see his enraged glare and thinks, 'I already do…"

With each strike, each kick, bruise, cut, broken bone she lets out whimpers and groans and cries, knowing the noises satisfy him that much more. She doesn't need to make noise beyond an occasional grunt or hiss from the more severe blows, she'd lived with him far too long and had too high a pain tolerance to need to make noise with every strike. The hits don't affect her as much as they used to, after all the years of pain.

The tears though, those are real. They are not from a physical but mental source, the pain squeezing every salty drop from her baby blue eyes much more to her than any hit she could take from him. 'It's all _his_ fault! If it weren't for _him_, Jack would love me!"

'_He doesn't love you and he never will. You're a tool and very foolish to have expected more from him.' His_ words hit her heavier than all of the beatings she'd ever taken from her beloved Jack.

"You aren't fit to lick my shoes!" He kicks her mouth, chipping and breaking a few teeth. He pulls her up by her pigtails on the mask and flings the back of her head against a brick wall. She could feel the warm wetness of blood start to soak the fabric where it flowed from her head. He retches her up by her arm and then tosses her like a ragdoll against an opposite wall, the whole of her back hitting the brick simultaneously.

As her body slowly sags down the wall falling toward the ground she starts to wonder, 'How did it come to this?'

He stood over her with that menacing grin, the one he used when his sadistic desires were about to play out. "Sorry kid," he pulls out a six shooter from his coat, "but this joke's reached its punch line."

He began to laugh, a sound that she used to love, but now that she was at the end of the joke, it grated against her nerves and made her sore back shudder. Her heart stopped as she heard the little 'click' of the gun being cocked. Beyond the laughing her mind seems to click with the gun, 'You're nothing more to him than just another victim. He never cared for you, you were just convenient… just another laugh… Harl, you were just used.'

POW!


	2. II Told Me To Go To Rehab

II. Told Me To Go to Rehab…

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.

Harley was with the Joker holding Victoria Summers, richest heiress in all of Gotham, hostage. They were hiding out at an old amusement park in the middle of a labyrinth of mirrors. Harley never liked mirrors. She kept catching little bits of whispered words from the Joker to the red head heiress and saw him smiling at her from the mirrors. What most people didn't know or expect from the Joker was that he was a flirt. Oh yes, he flirted and Harley was one of the few that ever knew. She really wish she weren't witnessing it first hand at that moment, it was really bothering her. It wouldn't have been so bad if she could have _done _anything about it, but she couldn't. He didn't bother to hide it, he was a shameless kind of flirt. In not bothering to hide his flirtations, it meant that she could say or do anything she could to try and stop it but his efforts towards Victoria would not stop.

Harley was not happy, not at all.

She loved her Mistah J with an almost exaggerated passion, so too did she loathe anyone that kept him from noticing her. This included Batman but for right now, Victoria Summers.

Harley was rather miffed. 'C'mon! He doesn't even have her tied up! A pair of hand cuffs and not any pair of handcuffs, oh no! The furry ones _I_ got him for Christmas!' As miffed as she was, Harley directed none of her frustration or annoyance at the Joker; she was never angry at him, never. Ms. Summers on the other hand, was a different story. She hated Victoria and the fact that no matter where she turned, she was forced to witness the other woman's reciprocation.

The thing that she hated most was that all she _could_ do was walk away from it.

"I'll go look out for ya, Mistah J." He didn't hear her, or he wasn't listening, either way, the message didn't get across. That happened a lot. He never listened.

As she made her way out the hall of mirrors, she reflected on her first meeting with Joker, as his shrink. 'Why did I fall so hard? Why did Harlene stop and when did Harley really start?' She was caught up in her thoughts when she looked out at the stars, lately her thoughts were the only company she had.

It was so frustrating for her that she could rely on so little, had such little stability in this world. She began to count off on her fingers the things she _could_ rely on. There was Poison Ivy, her best friend who would take her in whenever the Joker had kicked her out. Then there was Scarecrow, he'd been like a father to her for a long time, very protective and also always allowing her to stay with him when she needed shelter. In a strange way, she could rely on Batman, he never really _did_ anything for her but he never directly affronted her either. Whenever the Joker and she were doing something naughty though, he would come and ruin their fun.

She shook her head, she couldn't think of Batman in any sort of positive way, which included reliability, even if she couldn't deny him that. That would be betraying her precious Joker, which was one of the few things she _did_ have control over: her loyalty and devotion to her love.

She stood there, thoughts blank until she decided to muse upon Batman again. No one she knew liked him, but then that comes with the territory when all the people you know are villains. 'Come to think of it, though, no one I know really likes Mistah J, either.' It was true. Both Poison Ivy and the Scarecrow had openly stated that the only reason they didn't strike out at the Joker for what he did to her was because she loved him so much. Batman wasn't hated for anything personal, taking people to Arkham and jail was just part of his job description.

Harley sighed as she looked out at the condemned park. 'So much for amusement, I have to wait out here while that redheaded bimbo is trying to seduce my Mistah J. If I ever catch her alone, I'm gonna…' She growled, "Oh I hate her more than Batman!"

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

Harley only got a glimpse of movement out of the corner of her eye, but knowing Batman that's all she needed to raise the alarm. She rushed happily towards her puddin' , so glad that she can do something useful for him.

She rushed closer and as she got to where the Joker was she yelled out, "Mistah J! Batman, he's oof!" She'd been too late and the Joker had taken advantage of the distraction of her yelling to shove Batman away, knocking him into Harley. He didn't even wait to see if Harley was okay, he just rushed out of there with Victoria Summers over his shoulder, heading for the car. By the time Harley got up and managed to reach the car, all she saw were tire tracks.

Her body, especially her stomach clenched. She looked at the mocking tire tracks and the sense of dread and disappointment nearly brought her to her knees. 'Why didn' he wait for me, he's done it before, what's different now?' She began to cry, but then wiped the tears away as she felt a presence come up behind her.

"How could you love such a psychotic man?" Batman sounded almost incredulous, maybe even disgusted, but Harley felt there was more to it than that, an almost bitter edge to his voice.

'This is all his fault! If it weren't for him, Jack would love me!' She shot a glare at him, "He's not psychotic, he's just misunderstood!"

"You didn't know him before he was the Joker did you?" He scoffed looking down at her.

Harley, despite her blindness in the love department, was good at readying body language. She saw the way his face was almost sad and she frowned, "Stop lookin at me like that, Bats," she huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, turning her back to him, "I don't need ya charity, alright."

"How did you fall so low, Dr. Quinzelle?" he remembered seeing her outside of costume a few times, she was a very pretty girl.

Harley pivoted on her heal and poked him in the chest. "Don' call me that!" Something about being called her real name unnerved her, like all this was just some surreal fantasy game and that that she needed to get home to get some sleep for work in the morning.

"Why not, it's your real name, isn't it?

"My name is Harley Quinn! Harlene Quinzelle is dead!" Something she could never be again. Who would hire her as a doctor when she had the extensive criminal record that she did? Who would know what she's done and not want to simply run from her or try to take her down?

Her train of thought was derailed when Batman spoke, "She's not dead, she's just in a mental lapse."

"Don't talk ta me like I'm crazy! I'm perfectly sane!" she growled defensively.

"Running around in a jester costume is perfectly sane?" it was almost as if he were mocking her.

"Yeah, 'cause bein dressed like a _bat_ is obviously not the same thing. Take off tha tights then ya can chastise me!" She cocked her hips to the side and re-crossed her arms under her chest, full of attitude and challenge.

Suddenly, it came to Harley's mind a few little things were wrong with this picture. Batman made no move to capture or even pursue the Joker. He made no move to subdue or bind _her_ and perhaps the most unsettling thing was that he could be hauling her back to Arkham, but instead he was laughing. His laugh made Harley shudder, she'd only ever heard it once before.

That laugh brought up memories that she tried to cover but to no use. He said something that she didn't catch while caught up in those dismal recountings.

"Wha?" she said, making it obvious that she wasn't paying attention.

"I said that it's beyond the costume for you. You go out and commit crimes in a costume when there's no point to hide your identity, anyone with access to public records would be able to see your real name and face."

"Look, just 'cause I got the guts to go out and get what I want from life doesn't make me crazy, ya know. Selfish, sure and greedy I'll give you that, but stealing and causing trouble doesn't make me crazy."

"I'm not talking about that either." For a moment Harley thought that she almost saw him smile, almost.

"Well what _are_ ya talkin' about?" Harley tried to act like she wasn't worried, but she was.

"I'm talking about your expectations."

"What's that supposed ta mean?"

His face sobered completely, "He doesn't love you and he never will. You're a tool and very foolish to have expected more from him."

That stung and it showed. Harley struck out in her hurt from these words but he caught her wrist in his hand, his grip firm but surprisingly more gentle than she would have guessed.

"I'm _not_ crazy!" She snarled at him trying to wretch her hand free.

"Arkham believes so," Harley started to struggle more, "but I think they can't help you." Harley stopped the struggle to look at him curiously wary.

"What are ya sayin', Bats?" Harley didn't know what was in store but she had a feeling she wasn't going to like it."

"House arrest; it would be rehabilitation in a real world environment." That caught Harley off guard. House arrest? Harley looked at him in disbelief. For once, she just couldn't think of anything to say.

'House arrest? That would be easy ta slip out of, I could see my puddin' sooner!' she was happy with that thought and so she smiled and nodded, "Whose house?"

Batman pinched a nerve in her shoulder, knocking her out and answered her even though she was now unconscious, "Mine."


	3. III Tell Me Who Are You?

III. Who Are You?

Disclaimer: Batman to DC, song titles/lyrics to their respective owners.

Author's Note:

Dear Readers,

I'm happy that my story has gotten as much traffic as it has but I would really really appreciate some reviews. I need constructive criticism if I am to grow as a writer. I need to know what I'm doing wrong so that I may fix things for you guys. Of course, if a compliment or two happen to make their way into my reviews I wouldn't mind coughhintcough. Thank you all for your time.

With Love,

Mad Mary

Harley woke up to complete darkness, it was unnerving. Sitting up, she was relieved to feel she wasn't on one of the old shift beds at Arkham. 'Feels like a real bed.'

With that thought, Harley froze, 'If I'm not in Arkham where am I?' Listening, she only heard an occasional echo of water droplets falling and the blowing of wind through somewhere.

'A dungeon?' she snickered, the sound echoing off the walls, 'Well, wouldn't be the first time and Bats could be that kinda…'

She remembered now what exactly had happened and started to get a little restless with the anger and hurt of the memories of yesterday… or whenever her last bout of consciousness was. After a few more moments of her unease, she placed her foot over the side of the bed and her foot met the cold stone of the floor. She swung her other foot over and stood up. She leaned down slightly to feel around in the dark. The shuffle of her feet and the occasional bump against things made echo after echo.

"Are you awake, Madame?" an English voice calls out, loud in the stark silence but gentle in tone.

"Yeah!" Harley winced as her own voice, amplified by the large stone space, echoed back to her ears. She made a mental note to tone down her normal volume.

Lights came on and shone against the wall opposite her. After a few footsteps echoed, the lights above her lit up. She saw that she was in an 11"x11" sized cell that looked like it was carved out of natural stone with bars at the only entrance. "Where am I?"

"You are in your cell, Madame," Harley thought that the older man in a sharp butler's attire looked a little odd with a black mask over his eyes, it struck out from his otherwise impeccable appearance.

"Hey, he said I'd be under house arrest…"

"Oh but you are under house arrest, Miss."

"Whose house, Jack the Ripper's?"

"Mine," Batman appeared from the shadows.

"Good ta know…" Harley huffed.

He raised an eyebrow under his mask, "So you _want_ to go back to Arkham?"

"Yeah, yeah, I gotcha!" she held up her hands, "I'm grateful for the hospitality. Where are we, anyways? Looks like a cave…"

"It is a cave."

"Is Puddin' here?" if it were possible, Batman's face flattened more than usual.

His voice was equally as flat, "No."

Harley's face was disappointment, but her stance suggested indignance.

"He left you, remember?"

"He thought I could get away!" she defended.

"He used you as a distraction to get away."

"He's busted out of Arkham before, he'd come for me!"

"You're not in Arkham."

She stayed silent glaring at him, "It's startin' ta look real good…"

"You don't have the option, Dr. Quinzelle."

"Don't call me Dr. Quinzelle," she looked around and saw that the cell was furnished with simple but high quality furniture, "Why are you keepin me here?"

"I don't think Arkham's done all it needed to for you."

"What makes ya think _you_ can change me when Arkham couldn'?"

"Because most of my focus would be on you, I don't have a whole mad house to look after."

"Why haven't ya done this before with anyone else?"

"No one else is as sane as you." Harley fell silent to his answer. "You're the only one of them to get a certificate of competency."

It was true. She was out of Arkham with a competency certificate, which of course was totally useless now that she'd been an accomplice in a kidnapping.

"So what am I gonna be doin around here?" Harley leaned back against the stone wall, noting happily to herself that she still had her costume on.

"I will be responsible for that, Dr. Quinzelle." The older man said, "You may call me Mr. P." Batman nodded before walking away back into the shadows.

Harley shyly rubbed the back of her head, "If, ah, ya can call me Harley that'd be good."

"No, I am afraid not, Madame. Master Batman insists that I call you by anything other than what pertains to your villainous persona."

"But I was called Harley before I was Harley Quinn!" she weakly protested.

"I am sorry, but I must do as my employer instructs, Dr. Quinzelle."

Harley sighed and laid back on to the bed, her stomach protesting its empty state. "Excuse me, Mr. P but er ya got any food around? I'm a lil' hungry…" she felt awkward trying to talk to the butler, not really sure how to act around him.

"I took the liberty of preparing chicken parmesan for you, Dr. Quinzelle."

Harley perked up, "Really?"

"Yes, Madame." He left before coming back with a cart with chicken parmesan on top of spaghetti. He gracefully put the cart in front of her. " Bon apetit."

"Wow thanks. I don't rememba ever havin somethin this good. Really, thanks." Harley smiled warmly, touched by the gesture.

"It is my job, Madame, Master Batman requested this for you."

"You're tha one that cooked it; you didn't have ta go through all that trouble."

"I'm paid very well to do what I do, rest assured." He gave her a small smile as she began to eat. "I will be back for your dishes later, Madame."

Harley ate slowly savoring the rich food; she'd never remembered having anything this good before… 'Maybe my mom before she died…' Harley felt happy at the thought.

Nothing was said as Alfred came back, just a warm exchange of smiles. Harley decided that she liked him, he seemed nice enough. Harley also decided to lay down, figuring that house arrest with Batman wasn't going to be too different from the way things were run at Arkham.

'Ivy's sane… I mean, sure she can get a lil moody and she can be just a bit sociopathic, but she's nice ta me…' Harley sighed. 'Why is it everyone else besides Mistah J is so nice ta me? Even Batman's neva really been especially mean; he did get me that dress after all.'

Thinking on it further, Harley realized that Batman could've been a lot rougher and less lenient , like he'd been with other villains.

'Maybe it's just cause I'ma girl. Could be, I mean Cats' not been to Arkham yet… but she did help him a few times too…'

"Madame, are you awake?" The butler's voice broke her train of thought.

Harley shot up like a Pop Tart on the bed, "Sure am."

"Well, Master Batman has given me permission to look over you if you wish to have any recreation."

"Recreation?" her interest was piqued, "Like what?"

"I know that in Arkham all they gave you were those ghastly gossip magazines and a few minutes to sit and stare at a television set."

"Yeah and they never did let us watch anything but cop shows and the news."

"What do you like to do?" Alfred seemed very friendly towards her.

"I, uh…" she blushed as it took her a moment to think before going on, "I like ta bake, and cook but I'm kinda… I don't really know much…"

"You want to learn to cook Dr. Quinzelle?" He seemed surprised.

"Yeah, Puddin's always complainin' about my cookin' so I figure I could use a lesson ah two." The butler tensed at the mention of the Joker and an awkward silence befell them. After a bit more of the silence, he gently placed handcuffs on her wrists and led her out of her cell into a secret passage which they followed until they were past a door into the kitchen. The butler handed her an apron and slipped on one for himself. "Ya really trusting of me…" Harley said as he undid her handcuffs for her.

"Master Batman has heavy security around the house." Harley didn't know if he was shooting down the trust thing or warning her in a way of politely requesting her not to try to escape.

"Oh," she took all the utensils and ingredients as he handed them to her.

There was another awkward silence between them before the butler broke it, "Tell me Dr. Quinzelle, do you plan to go back to him once the house arrest is over?"

"Who?" she asked stopping her mixing of the cookie dough.

"The Joker, ma'am."

"Oh…" she started slowly mixing again, I haven't thought about it…"

"That is why you are here you know."

"What happened ta 'most sane'?"

"It never went away, Dr. the reason you are here is not because you are insane."

"Then why?" she dropped little spoonfuls of dough onto the cookie tray.

"I will leave that to Master Batman to explain."

"Speakin' a Batsy, where is he? I haven't seen him cept once since I've been here."

"Master Batman has a life beyond his cape, you know."

Harley set up against the island in the middle of the kitchen and propped her chin on her hands, "Wonder what it's like.." Alfred gave her a flat look, "Calm down." She held her hands up, "I never asked who he was or anything.."

"I suppose divulging one or two small details should not harm too much."

"What's it like working for the big bad bat? How do ya get a gig like that? How does he trust ya?"

"Master Batman never hired me," Alfred checked the oven.

She furrowed her brow, "Whatya mean?"

"I've been with his family for years."

"I see. He's rich, in't he?"

"What draws you to that conclusion?" the butler tried, if his employer chose, to talk to her himself. He worried for Bruce, wondering if this whole thing was really a great idea.

"I've never seen a kitchen this big outta a restaurant. That and, gimme a break, I can tell you're a butler. Poor and middle class people can't usually afford a butler."

"Very astute, Dr. Quinzelle."

"Nah, I'm not a doctor anymore," she dismissively waved.

"You have earned a PhD, that makes you a doctor, does it not?"

"That's not part of who I am anymore, Mr. P."

"Posh," he offered her some tea, "Knowledge and all we've done stays with us and makes us who we are. You may have changed, Miss Quinnzelle, but who you are now has its foundation oh who you have been." He poured the tea silently and put a cup in front of her.

She took a sip and her nose wrinkled, "Sorry I've never really liked Earl Grey."

"You know your teas?" Harley nodded and took another sip to be polite, "Every lady should know of her teas." Harley stayed silent, letting the wide words of the seasoned butler sink in. Suddenly she felt slightly silly in a kitchen with her costume on, her face smeared with her clownish makeup and drinking tea with a masked English butler.

'What am I doing?' It all seemed so strange to her, like she was in some sort of dream again, losing touch. One more sip of the bitter liquid and she was brought back, "Hey, uh it's been a while since I had a shower, do ya think I could take one?"

"I could never deny a lady such a request, cleanliness is next to godliness as they say." He paused and grabbed a dish towel from a drawer, "I am sorry but you are not yet allowed to get a tour of the house, Madam. Master Batman knows how clever you can be." He tied the towel over her eyes as a blindfold and led her to a bathroom. "There are towels on the back of the latrine and a robe on the back of the door, Ma'am."

"Thanks," Harley took off the blindfold and smiled when she saw a bathroom that didn't have missing tiles and was white. She'd not seen a bathroom so clean in years.

She took off her shoes and then her costume. After taking off her hat, she reached for her mask and stopped. She caught sight of her reflection. One part of her mind shot out, 'Who _are_ you?' Harley looked sadly at her reflection, "Who knows…"


	4. IV Playing With the Queen of Hearts

Dear Readers,

If it's been a little while since you've seen Batman the Animated Series then to make sure you're up to par with this story watch the episodes Mad Love and Harley's Holiday. I highly recommend you watch many episodes, but it might help to understand this chapter better if you watch specifically Harley's Holiday.

Love,

MadMary

IV. Playing With the Queen of Hearts

She took her time with her shower, especially with washing off the makeup on her face. Harley turned off the shower and slipped on the robe, wrapping her hair in a towel. "Mistah P!"

The door opened, but it wasn't the butler. It was Batman and held out a pink dress to her. She was about to comment before she saw the dress.

"I found this in your bag, figured you'd want to wear it." He handed her the dress and clean underwear.

"Thanks," she closed the door and quickly got dressed. She came out feeling self-conscious.

"Never got to see you in the dress, it looks good," he didn't smile, but his voice was a lot more congenial than before.

"I neva said thanks for it."

"The kiss was thanks enough." Harley wasn't quite sure what to say. She remembered the kiss… well kisses. She remembered what happened right before then too.

"Why didn't you try to take me down?" Harley asked, "First afta the kidnapping and now. Why ain't I in Arkham with Professor Crane and Red?"

"I told you, you're the sane one. The Joker may have led you astray when you counseled him, but you're the misunderstood one not him." He put his hand on her shoulder.

"That don't answer the question a why, Bats," Harley looked down and sighed; this was all so much for her to take in.

"I'll come to that later. Do you feel better now that you've showered?"

"Yeah, first bathroom in years I been into that has all the tiles." Harley noted that Batman's eye twitched slightly; she could tell that he wanted to comment but he didn't.

"How long do I havta stay in my cell?"

"I came up here to address that," he put his hand on the small of her back, leading her out of the bathroom. "I don't really think that you'll purposefully cause any trouble, so I'm going to make you a deal."

"Yeah?"

"You may roam the house, but you can't leave it and certain rooms are off limits."

"Do ya really trust me not ta try ta escape?"

"No, Arkham's proved to me that given the opportunity you will try to escape."

"Then why are ya makin' a deal ta give me more freedom?"

"Because this house has better security; you wouldn't be able to escape if you tried."

"So it's not really a choice."

"It is. If you try to escape or go into off-limits rooms you'll just go back in the cell instead of," he opened the door to a room, "this room." It was beautiful and luxurious, burgundy and filled with dark woods. Harley was taken aback by the luxury of the room.

"_This_ is my room?" Harley ran her hand over the furniture as she walked around taking in her surroundings.

"As long as you don't have any escape attempts. I'll even let you visit with my friend Bruce."

"Bruce? Bruce Wayne?" He nodded and then she blinked, mulling it over, "You know Bruce Wayne?"

"He and I go back a ways," he said cryptically, "I'm sure he'd like to see you again."

"He tried helpin' me out in that store… I need ta say sorry."

"For what?"

"I hit him with a mannequin arm…" she answered sheepishly.

"I'm sure he's forgiven you."

"Still…" Harley was happy enough to fall right back onto the bed. "Ah! I haven't been on a bed this soft in years!"

"It seems you haven't had much these past few years," Batman stood at the foot of the bed, obviously not finishing the rest of that thought, but Harley knew he wanted to allude to the Joker and her time together.

"Mistah J an' I never have too much ta go around, most of what we have goes ta food and clothes."

"I never did understand what you saw in him," he sounded a little disappointed even sad maybe… no he was Batman he wasn't sad for anyone that'd been in or out of Arkham.

"He's an outcast, a lot like me and he accepts me even when I mess up," a little of her accent faded away as she spoke in her matter of fact tone.

"That's why he always kicks you out?" Batman raised an eyebrow in question.

"Sometimes he jus needs space. At least he's loyal ta me."

"He looked pretty cozy with Victoria…"

"Yer just jealous…" Harley huffed, sitting up on the bed while crossing her arms over her chest defiantly.

"Of what?" he scoffed.

"Mistah J!"

"Why? What possible reason could I have for being jealous of that clown?"

"Love."

"What?"

"Love. He has someone who loves him, someone to come home ta, someone ta comfort him and help him when he needs it!" Batman shot up, his eyes narrowed.

"Too bad he feels none of that for you," he turns and leaves the room, his face only barely affected.

Harley was left there on the bed in her robe, staring at the door, confused. 'Is it true? _Is_ he jealous? Maybe. Even if he _is_ just jealous, is he wrong?' Harley hugged a pillow against her, 'Jack has never been very affectionate. He's kept me on for so long, there has to be something there, right?' Harley sighed before deciding to look around her new room. 'A guy like Batman, wouldn't he be knee deep in girls? I mean, it's not like he's a jerk… he's pretty easy on the eyes too. Tall, dark and handsome, heh.'

She started rummaging around the chest of drawers, seeing a bunch of fine clothes, underwear, and some stockings. 'Women's clothes? Who for? Does he always take someone here?' She snickered to herself, 'Maybe that's it, he's a playboy… Richies are a lot of the time.' She scrunched her nose and dropped the pair of panties she'd been holding during her contemplation. 'Who knows where those have been…' When she looked around in the other drawers, she found tags on almost everything. 'New?'

Thinking more on her particular situation, Harley was actually a little happy. 'This is the nicest place I've ever been… well contained in.' Alfred came in with another cart of food, roast beef and vegetables with a plate of the cookies they'd made earlier. She blushed realizing that she'd just left her task, "Thanks Mr. P."

"You're very welcome," he smiled noticing the drawers open, "Are the clothes to your liking? I'm not all that up to date with the latest women's fashions."

"All these are mine?"

"Yes Ma'am. Wear anything you like. They should fit if my measurements were sufficient."

"I'll let you know, thank you so much," she smiled starting to eat she was ecstatic about her new wardrobe, she'd never really never had that many. Harley sighed feeling bad about arguing with Batman. Even if she was right, it didn't make her feel any better… and she was right.

Looking at the door, she decided to try and look around the house after her meal and getting dressed, maybe to apologize to Batman. There were a bunch of halls, the house was a manor. She found the study, there was a fire going but the room was empty. Walking in, she ran a hand along the spines of books. Some of the books had dust on them, others didn't. There were a few books on the desk. Something in particular caught her eye on the desk.

In bold headlines, a newspaper read: "**Joker Returns to Arkham!!!**" Her heart stopped. 'I havta let him out! But how?! I can't do it from here! What am I gonna do? Can't chance losin the little trust he has fa me. I don't know the layout well enough to be able to get out for sure the first time. I can't contact anyone without him knowing. I have no way to get around Batman with weapons or chemicals. Ok, ok think… what resources do ya have, Harl?' Harley's mind went racing but eventually coming up with nothing practical.

Harley went over towards the fire and sat down in front of it. 'What would Red do here? Well she'd probably use her lipstick to make him want her… note ta self: borrow Red's lipstick fa Mr. J. I don't have any plants here either so that's out… What about seduction? Whoa whoa whoa!! That's Red's gig not mine. Maybe _**if**_ I had Red's body… well maybe it's more than that. What am I doing seriously considerin' seducing the big bad bat? What was that she used to say? Ah yeah: _Harley, it's all in the attitude. If you have the confidence, men will be like flies to your sugar. If you act like you know what you're doing chances are they won't question what you do. Find out what they like and stick with it; push their buttons.'_

Could she _do_ that? Could she chalk up the confidence to actually _seduce_ Batman? 'Nah,' she considered, 'Even _if_ I could… I couldn't betray Mistah J like that!' She sat in conflict. She'd always been a very faithful partner. Was there really anything else she _could _do? Her mind found no answers. As loyal as she was and as adamant as she was about being a one man girl, she did say, almost as much, that she'd do anything for him. Does tempting the enemy count?

"Madame, are you in here?" Harley didn't answer; she hid, crouched low behind the desk, held her breath, and listened. She waited for a moment after complete silence and then the door closed. She waited a little longer before peeking out from behind the desk. Harley didn't know why she hid, she just felt the need, instincts from years of sneaking around with Mr. J.

Harley snuck back to her room. Considering her course of action concerning Mr. J, she figured that even though the hiding was just instinct, it could work to her advantage to feign ignorance of the situation. 'If I have to end up temptin' Batman I need ta take it slow, he won't be easy to win over. Talking about Mistah J only annoys him, so I'll just back off talking about him.'

She shed her dress and just crawled into the soft down comforter. Could she really do this? Was she capable? The only thing she knew she had to do was go all of the way one direction or the other; there was no room for pussy footing. And with this conclusion, she slowly drifted into sleep.

Harley woke up early, used to it. For a second her mind told her to grab her glasses, then another second later it told her to pull her hair up into pigtails and start applying her makeup.

Turning in the bed, the feel of the down comforter brought her back to all that had happened the previous day/s. She slowly slid out of the bed, barely conscious. Idly she thought on her hyenas, hoping the henchmen took good care of them. 'Psh… we pay 'em enough… I'll knock 'em out if anything happens to my babies.' She found a red dress, a simple short sleeved cotton number. She put it on then looked at herself in the mirror, admiring her shape in the dress.

As she pulled up her hair into the ponytail she wondered if Joker had ever seen her sans makeup and without her bun and glasses. 'Maybe I should come around him like that… Would he like it?'

There was a knock at the door, "Madame?"

"Yes Mistah P?" She straightened out her dress and opened the door for him.

"Breakfast Madame. Eggs Benedict and an English muffin with field fresh strawberries." He pushed the cart in. "You look rather sharp, Dr. Quinzelle."

"Thanks Mistah P," she gave him a sweet smile as she sat down to eat. "Oh uh… do ya think I could speak with B-man when he's available?"

"Master Batman will be with you shortly, Madame."

"I could go ta him if he's just gettin' up," she offered.

"No need," Batman said, standing at the doorway.

"Oh hey Bats," Harley kept eating. Batman nodded to the butler who inclined his head before closing the door behind him.

"You wanted to talk to me?" his face looked slightly agitated.

"I'm sorry B-man."

IF indeed he were surprised, he didn't show it, "For what?"

"Fa yesterday, I'm sorry fa yellin' at ya and fa what I said."

He nodded, "Apology accepted. By the way, you look good."

"Thanks ta you, Batman," she puffed her chest out a little and gave him her sweet child-like grin.

"My butler informs me that you were wandering around last night."

"Oh. Yeah, I was feelin' a bit restless, figured I'd do a little explorin'."

"Just the halls?"

"A few rooms were open so I just went in and looked around."

"The study?"

"Why so curious about the study?" she asked it in a mocking tone but really she was very very nervous. Had she been caught?

"Did you go in there?" he asked seriously, his tone rather clipping.

'What's so important about the study? Is it a way out?' "Yeah I went in but I got bored and moved on." She shrugged and continued to eat her breakfast particularly enjoying the strawberries. He seemed a little less tense after she dismissively answered him.

"Do you like it here?" he asked.

"Yeah it's really nice, thanks fa takin' me in."

"After breakfast, come to the study, I want to chat."

Harley was wiping her face with the napkin, "Alright but what abou…" he'd disappeared, "I hate it when he does that," she'd finished off her breakfast and headed towards the study. When she got there she saw Batman sitting in one of the plush leather chairs in front of the fireplace.

"Ya wanted ta see me?" she sat down in the other chair. For the first time, she looked above the fireplace and noticed the portrait of the small family hanging there. "Family?" she asked nodding towards the portrait.

"Yes."

"They seem nice, least as far as looks go," she complimented, "Could picture em as a big lovin' family… but can't really judge em fairly on looks."

"They were good parents."

"Were?"

"Dead."

"Oh, sorry to hear that," she felt guilty for bringing it up. Batman only nodded in response, "I know what it's like to lose a parent if it makes ya feel any better."

"Hmm?" he looked interested… well as interested as Batman can look.

"Yeah, my mom died when I was young… breast cancer, but I'm happy at least I got ta say g'bye," she sighed.

"Lots of people don't get that luxury," he kept his gaze up at the portrait.

"What luxury?"

"Saying goodbye," his face didn't look that affected.

"Yeah, I know that was lucky fa me," Harley looked down at her folded hands in her lap.

"Do you miss her?" there was a small hint of sincere curiosity.

"Well, yeah, course I do, but it was a long time ago and there's no reversin' it," Harley shrugged, it'd been a long time since she'd spoken of her mother.

"My parents were murdered," he seemed just a little graver than normal. It wouldn't seem like much to most people but when Batman didn't show much general emotion any small sign could have meant so much more.

"That musta been hard…" Harley, as tough as she could be, was very sympathetic to people. She had a bleeding heart that bled even for people she should have hated. "I'm sorry but if it makes ya feel betta, your parents are watching over you and I'd bet everything that they're really proud."

"Are you so sure of that?" Batman looked down to his own lap before pensively glancing back up at the portrait.

"Why wouldn't they be? You save people all the time, you're strong an' smart and you work hard at what you do, it's a lot for anyone ta handle."

"Do you really believe all that," a rather raw glimpse of cynicism was thrown her way from him.

She was thrown back a bit and was slightly offended, "Course I do! Ya know how proud ya were at Robin? How proud ya were when he turned to Nightwing? An' Batgirl. So far crime around the city is crippled cause of you. You manage ta stop it all eventually." Harley had forgotten the sheer satisfaction of reassuring and reinforcing to help others.

"If you're so sure that I'll stop you, why do you commit crimes?"

"I'm not in this fa money, Bats," Harley looked at him with a half hearted smile.

"Fame, then?"

"Ya got me pegged all wrong. Fame's ova rated."

"I'll agree with that, but if not for fame or money, what's your motivation?"

"The company," Harley shrugs situating herself sideways in her chair, her knees on one arm and her back on the other.

"The company?" he raised an eyebrow, having an idea of what she was talking about, but wanting her to expound on it anyways.

"Well, yeah. The company I have bein' Harley Quinn is tha reason I am Harley Quinn."

"So basically, because of the Joker?"

"Originally that was the case. Once he kicked me out the first time, I only wanted ta prove myself with capturin' you and then just move on. Second time it was with tha Harlequin diamond."

"You went on quite a crime spree with Poison Ivy to just want to prove yourself."

"Wrong again B-man. Provin' myself was the original plan, sure, but I was jus havin fun with Red. It's not about tha money like I said before, it never was."

"So it's all about the Joker?"

"Not _all_, most. I have friends." Another raised eyebrow from Batman led her to continue. "Friends are friends. I may not have many, and they may not be completely legit, but they care about me and look out fa me."

"You can't find friends other than Arkham inmates?"

"Nah, not really."

"How does that work?"

Harley stopped to think for a moment, "Somethin' about me… I dunno what it is but people like me, but not enough ta commit, like I've always been just a joke. I guess that's why I connected so well with Mistah J, he was a joke too, I guess."

"He may have been in his childhood, maybe. He's no joke now, whatever the case of his past may be."

"Am I a joke to you?"

Batman stopped to carefully consider the meaning behind her question and how he was going to answer it before he did. "You're not the most dangerous out there, but you are no joke. The fact that you're not the most dangerous can work in your favor though, element of surprise."

Harley tilted her head and furrowed her brows; was Batman trying to make her feel better? "Do _you_ think I'm a joke?" she asked her voice a little quieter than before.

"I think you're a fool."

"Why?" she sat up. She didn't ask the question angrily but like a curious little girl chalked full of questions.

"You take abuse from a clown that doesn't care for you."

"He cares fa me more than he does for most everybody else, and that's enough fa me."

"Beating you around is caring?" he seemed to get

She winced at the question, "You know just as well as I do how warped Mistah J is."

"He's psychopathic, but his behavior outside of crime follows that of others, he's evil but not completely insane."

"What are ya sayin, Bats?"

"He acted with normal affection towards Victoria, why not with you?" He was purposefully pushing at her weak spots.

"Why are ya asking me all this?" her tone was a mixture of anger and hurt.

"I want you to see how much better off you'd be whithout him in your life, " he had a note of sincere concern in his normal stoic tone, "because you seem pretty miserable to me."

"Why does it matter to ya if I'm happy or sad?" Harley was starting to get suspicious to say the least about their conversation.

"I don't know," he said it with such certainty; it really caught Harley off guard.

"Ya don't know? Do ya really have me here for _no_ reason?" her tone was getting slightly heated.

"I have to reha-"

"NO! No ya don't! There is no need for me ta be here! You're lying! Tell me the real reason why I'm here!"

He didn't stand up but his presence was just as strong and passionate as if he had, "Because I don't want to see you suffer and throw your life away anymore with a psycho that doesn't love you. I want this destructive cycle to end before you do!" He was tensed in his chair.

"What about Harvey, or Cats? What about any other bad guy that seems ta hold back fa you?"

"Because Catwoman has helped me in the past and Harvey is too far gone. You have a chance if you just let yourself have it. Let go of that damn clown and I'll help you start up a new life. I know that unlike the rest of maniacs, you can accept help. Harleene just let me help you!"

Harley stopped for a moment to think about her situation. Deciding to see his motives, she pushed him forward, she pressed on. "It's not like ya care so what's the big deal?" 'I hope this works…'

This time he did stand up and walked to her to grip her shoulders as he crouched in front of her, "I do care!" Despite herself, Harley blushed as he gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze to emphasize his words. "I don't want to see you wste your life loking for something from someone who doesn't give; he'll end up being the death of you, Harley!"

Harley looked as if he'd slapped her in the face she was so shocked. That was the first time he'd _**ever**_ called her Harley and it struck a chord in her somewhere, releasing an exciting and confusing rush of warmth through her. She opened an closed her mouth before eventually she said, "Do… do ya want something from me?"

He paused for a moment looking at first confused but then suspiciously quiet before he said, "What do I want from you?"

"Yeah, everyone always wants something when they keep me around," she noticed he was staring straight into her eyes and she could swear that she'd seen those eyes before…

"What about Ivy?" He asked the question rather defensively.

"Company. Just cause she can be cold doesn't mean she lost her social nature," 'C'mon Bats, keep going…' she thought even though she wasn't exactly sure where she wanted him to keep going to.

"What do you think I want from you?" his voice faltered only the slightest bit, but she caught it. Was he being… emotional?

"That's what I've been trying to get _you_ to tell _me,_" she watched him closely. Was he leaning in closer towards her. She tried a new question when he wasn't answering her. "Why do ya care about me? Ain't I just another crazy?" His inching was unconscious, she was almost sure of it. Her training in body language told her the intimate touch on her shoulders and the subconscious leaning forward meant something very particular indeed, but her mind refused to process. She noticed now he was inches away, looking like he was restraining himself from doing something.

404 error, unable to compute.

She was snapped out of it when he started backing away and stroked her cheek. "I don't know." Seeing the stain of pink on her cheeks at his previous proximity, he stood up and back away from her, his stoic façade back in place, "This conversation is done." He quickly turned and briskly shot out the study.

'What. Was. That?!' Harley's heart was beating rapidly in her chest. Putting her hand over her beating heart she thought, 'And what's this? Why am I acting like this… could he really be…' Her mind was going a million miles a second. When it all clicked together a dark look crossed her face and she rivaled the Joker himself at that moment. 'Gotcha.'


	5. V I Like it Rough

Dear Readers,

Thank you all so much for your support and all the wonderful reviews! Sorry for earlier update confusion, I had to change something in chapter three and I was having trouble. I hope this chapter will be as good as the ones before it.

Sincerely,

Mad Mary

V. I Like It Rough

Walking back to her room, Harley felt a little disappointed. She remembered how surprisingly smooth Batman's lips were when she'd kissed him in the past. She felt her lips with her fingers and pouted, 'He was a good kisser too…'

Harley found herself fantasizing about kisses between her and the Bat. She heard herself contentedly sigh and then caught herself. 'You're Mr. J's girl, don't forget that.'

She could almost feel Ivy's breath on her ear, '_Ah come __**on**__, Harley, __**forget**__ that clown. I bet Batman's just as good a fu…'_

She clamped her hands to her ears looking herself over in the mirror, "Stop! I'm not gonna go ta bed with him… ever. Only Mistah J can have me!"

_'Then why were you so disappointed when he didn't kiss you? You want to kiss him so bad don't you?'_

"Ta distract him."

_'You sure?'_

Her head cocked and she looked at her reflection angrily, "Why am I arguing with imaginary Ivy? Geez Harl, ya must be losin' it big time. I gotta get outta here."

The next few days Harley didn't see much of Batman besides at an occasional meal. She was getting frustrated at the lack of contact with him. 'Ruining my plans!' She stomped around her room in a huff, her patience growing thinner each day.

The second week came and went and still she'd not seen Batman but on very few and far between occasions. The butler started to notice her unrest and was getting concerned. He decided to address his employer.

"Sir, I have been noticing that Dr. Quinzelle has been getting rather restless as of late."

"What do you suggest I do about that?" He put down his free weights to listen to his older employee.

"Well, sir, I would personally recommend that you join her in some recreation. She has books and free rein of the house, but I think what Dr. Quinzelle really needs now is some personal interaction."

He sighed wiping his brow free of sweat, "I guess you're right Alfred, all the books in the world are no substitute for company."

"Perhaps some exercise would be fitting as she has not been as active as she is used to being."

He nods at his butler, "Alright. Tell her to dress up to work out. I'm taking her to the gym."

"Out the back, sir?"

"Yes." He got up and stretched his muscular arms across his chest. "I'll go ahead and bring her down."

The butler bowed respectfully to his employer before turning on his heel to address Harley. When he enters the study, he sees her on an armchair, sitting Indian style mending her harlequin suit, sighing. She lifted her head and smiled when she saw him.

Alfred smiled back; he'd been enjoying her presence in the mansion for the past two and a half weeks. "Master Batman requests that you dress in clothing that you are able to exercise in, Dr. Quinzelle." Harley had given up on getting the older gentleman to call her Harley.

Harley perked up, "Where we gonna go?"

"Master Batman has a personal gym; he will come to get you in a moment to lead you there." He smiled, "We thought it would be good for you to get some exercise since you have been cooped up."

"Thanks, Mistah P." After he left she quickly slipped into her costume without the cowl. Hearing a knock on the study doors a little later, she called out, "I'm dressed."

Batman came in and he did not look amused at the sight of Harley in her old costume. She looked down at herself, "What? He said something I could exercise in and this is what I usually wear when I'm movin around a lot."

"It's part of your old life," he sounded like he was trying to restrain the annoyance in his voice.

Harley's smile dropped and she dryly pointed out, "So are you." The look on his face changed, only slightly, to one of unreadable stoicism as was his trade mark.

"So, ya studied martial arts?" she asked pointing at his black gi to distract him.

"Many types," he responded.

"Looks like it's been through a lot, looks really faded next ta that cowl of yours."

"I wasn't wearing the cowl when I trained with the masters." He paused for a moment before gesturing past himself out the study, "Let me show you to the gym."

"Am I allowed ta go there by myself any time I want?"

"Not by yourself."

"Why do I hafta be escorted everywhere?"

"Why do you have to use that accent?" The snapped question made Harley pause as she followed.

"What do ya mean?"

"I've actually heard you talk when you were still a psychologist. You sounded intelligent and in control. Why do you use that accent you have now?" He looked back after a while of silence only to see her shrug.

He moved back to cover her eyes as they walked, him leading her to the gym. Harley knew for a moment or two they were outside, she could feel the sun on her skin and smell the freshness of flowers. Her heart raced but never did the thought occur to her to try and struggle until after she felt the pleasant warmth of the sun leave her skin. She heard the closing and locking of a door before Batman's hand left her eyes.

Half of the building looked like a traditional Dojo, the other looking like a slightly better stocked home gym. "Wow, do you really use these?" Harley poked one end of a sharp spear, one of the many weapons on the dojo side of the building, and pricked her finger. She brought her now bleeding digit to her lips.

"I practice with them, yes, but those don't leave this building," he took her hand and put pressure on her finger. "Be careful around them." She nodded, enjoying the contact, even though her gloves were in the way.

"How long did ya train?"

"I've been training most my life," he answered.

"I used ta take some lessons when I was younger. When money went tight, I was told ta drop it for gymnastics."

"That would explain a few things."

"Yeah I was really good at it and I liked it. I stopped in college though."

"And took it back up in your _recreational_ activities?"

"Well it comes in handy…"

"I imagine it would." He looked at her and the look turned into a stare as he seemed to be debating something in his mind. "How would you like to spar?" If Harley weren't paying attention, she'd have sworn he was starting to get a playful little lilt in his normally stony tone.

"I don' think that's such a good idea, B-man."

"Don't worry I'll go easy on you," Harley felt bizarre hearing Batman tease her. It was like the first time she'd heard him laugh. It wasn't necessarily that it was scary, just really shocking and seemingly out of character for the dark knight.

"A-alrigh' if ya want to, I'll fight ya." Harley took on a defensive stance.

"You know I think I might have some fun with you."

Harley's jaw slacked a little, her mind rushing. "What?"

"Fighting," he said, "I've not had the _pleasure_."

The way he said that word pleasure took Harley completely off-guard. 'Ok now he's just toying with me. Hold yourself together, Harl you're not gonna let him win.' Then another thought struck her, "Have you an' I ever really fought before?"

"You've kicked me but never fought. The only time I've ever seen you fight is with Robin or Batgirl."

"How'd I do?"

"Better than I would have expected."

"I still rememba a thing or two from my lessons," she regained her composure and went back to her stance.

"Show me," his dark look and tone made her wary as to what he was going to do. He circled her, like a wolf inspecting his prey. She'd received that look before, from Boxy and a lot of his cronies.

Harley struck out towards his ribs and he blocked pulling her close by her striking arm, twisting it behind her back. "Y'know now that I think about it, ya've never tried ta fight me. Almost seems ta me like ya afraid ta hurt me…" Harley gave him a cheeky little look with a raised eyebrow. He pulled her arm more uncomfortably up her back. "I didn' touch a nerve did I?" She had no idea where these little sadistic temptations were coming from, but it felt good to be giving the pain for once.

She felt his other arm wrap around her waist and hold down her other arm. "I figured that Joker was doing that well enough for me, you didn't need anymore." She used her strength and surprised him by using one of her heels to hit him in the shin, using his cringing to her advantage to knock him down on his back. She managed to wriggle free when his back hit the ground.

Harley flipped three times before landing and biting back, "Least he can get a girl that'll stick with him. He doesn't have ta force me ta stay, unlike you, ya frigid bast…" she was cut off by a tackle against the wall. Batman's eyes were narrowed slits and his hands were gripping her wrists almost painfully.

"At least I'm not stupid enough to stay with someone who can't stand me," he spat darkly.

"If he really didn't want me around he'd kill me."

"He's tried, you're just lucky enough to survive. Must be rough for you," he sneered.

"Maybe I like it rough!" She gave him a satisfied smirk when she saw how worked up he was getting and the smirk seemed to only fire him up more. She'd never seen the Batman blow his cool this much and knowing that she was the one that had done it to him was intoxicating.

"How can you be so stupid?! He'll never love you!" Something in the Bat was building, breaking and Harley wanted to push him further for angering her.

"Better than anything you could gi…" Harley's eyes went wide when Batman crashed his lips against hers. It was not a sweet, gentle or romantic kiss at all. It was rough, forceful and dominating. Harley was completely taken off guard. He'd only received gentle kisses from her but the hunger he had in this touch of lips said that he was in charge and was going to take what he wanted.

Harley squirmed under his hold, her wrists starting to hurt from his grip and her back hurting from the weapon rack poking out from the wall. It was similar to how the Joker took her but there was something else there, something she couldn't quite put her finger on. The look in his eye had all that bestial hunger that the Joker had, but there was also a fire that she'd never seen before. Something in her had to stoke that fire.

She did.

Her lips nervously parted to his demanding tongue, not really sure of what to make of any of this. She followed her instincts, her tongue and lips working solely on reflex. Her body wanted more but it was when she felt his body pressing on hers that she whipped her head to the side to break the kiss. She could hear his frustrated growl before he moved to bite on her neck.

She let out a little mewl but before her body could stop her she managed to muster a, "Stop" between her pants. She felt his grip on her wrists tighten before his eyes go wide. With almost a sneer, he pushes roughly off her, her back forced back a little harder against the weapon rack. He turned sharply grabbing back to take Harley's hand and lead her out, his hand covering over her eyes not as gentle as on the trip to the gym.

When they reached her room he let her go and trudged back down the hall, his body obviously tense. Harley stared at his back incredulous at his sudden shift. As forceful as he was with the kiss, he seemed relatively relaxed compared to when he was fighting her.

'It was like he let something go…'

'_Of course he did. His resistance is breaking Harl, but I don't think he's the only one with restraint struggles."_

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'_You want him. You wanted and LOVED every second that he had you pinned against that wall. Manipulating him or not, you __**know**__ that you're just itching for him to hold you down and make you…'_

Harley slammed her door shut and hissed to the silence, "I love Mr. J! Drop it! I have ta see the real Ivy… she'd set me clear away from Batman. I need ta get out!" She paced around her room like a caged animal and decided that she was going to do whatever she had to do to get out of this place.

When he went into his bedroom and threw off his cowl in the fashion of a child having a temper. 'Damn I thought I had her!' Turning around he sees his butler looking at him disapprovingly.

"I lost my temper, I'm sorry."

"That is not what I frown at, sir."

He looked confused, "Then what?"

"I monitor the entire household, sir. Surveillance has proved you lacking in control."

"I am in control," he slipped out of the top of his gi.

"I believe both your parents and I taught you to treat a lady better than that, sir. I do not believe that your actions were very becoming. With all due respect, your behavior towards Dr. Quinzelle was brutish at best. The young lady is quite distraught because of the events in the gym."

He lifted his head up at the last part, "She's not crying is she?"

"She may be close to it, sir."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a sad sigh, "I can't believe I did that." He looked up to his butler, "What do you suppose I should do?"

"It is not my place to state how you should run your personal affairs, sir," at that the butler received a wry look, "but I suggest if one loves someone they would do well to show it, sir."

His snapped up at this, "Love? I don't love her, Alfred this is just…"

"No offence meant, sir but come off it. You have not had that spark in your eyes since Ms. Beaumont." The man tensed even more, "I knew Ms. Beaumont quite well and I do not think she would wish for you to be alone the rest of your life."

"You think she'd want me to be with another woman?" he asked bitterly.

"It's a little bit late for that, sir. You've not necessarily been abstinent since Ms. Beaumont's disappearance." Bruce rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "You're not exactly a blushing schoolboy anymore, sir."

"I know I'm not, Alfred."

"Then why do you insist like acting like one?"

"How am I acting like a school boy?"

"You know that you desire someone, court them properly."

"It's not that simple, she's not exactly like other women I've been with."

"Isn't that why you want her?" There was a silence after these words. Maybe that was why he wanted her; she wasn't like any other woman he'd ever met before. She was a villainess and he'd met many of those, but what made her different was that she didn't really wish anyone any harm, she proved that when she got out of Arkham the first time.

"I never said I wanted her."

"The forcible kiss was just to be malicious, then? Sir, I have known you all your life. There should be no shame in desiring a woman."

"I can't trust her."

"Besides myself, have you ever trusted anyone completely?"

"No, but this isn't quite the same, Alfred. I can't tell her who I really am or the Joker will have a field day."

"Perhaps if you were to court her properly, rehabilitation ruse aside, she may not wish to go back to that lunatic."

"You can never be sure about that with her," he wasn't bothering to hide anything from the older gentleman.

"All I can say, sir, is that any frustration concerning this situation with Dr. Quinzelle will not change if you do not change your course of action, sir." With that, the butler turned and walked back towards Harley's bedroom. He peered in quietly as the door was not shut all the way.

Harley was sitting at the vanity talking to herself her cheeks in her hands. "What am I gonna do? I only love Mistah J so why am I so bent up ova this?" Alfred smiled before knocking on the door. She turned and told him to come in.

"Hello, Dr. Quinzelle. I have come here to tell you that your dinner tonight will be down in the dining room with someone Batman wishes you to meet and he requests that you wear the black dress in the far right of your closet."

"Alright," she went up to look for the dress in question as Alfred walked back down the hall, barely containing a smile as he approached his employer's room again.

"Sir, I would suggest that you wear a suit and tie at dinner tonight for company."

His head shot up, "Who?"

"Yet another Gotham lady in pursuit of your heart, sir."

He sighed, "Great just what I need. Make sure Harley stays in her room for me would you please, Alfred."

"Of course sir," the butler allowed himself a large smile as he went to the kitchen to fix them both a special dinner. If Batman couldn't swallow his pride, maybe Bruce Wayne could.

Harley laid the dress out on the bed and took a shower. She hadn't worked up much of a sweat in the short time she was in the gym, but she hadn't showered that day. She let her hair air dry as she sat down in her plush white robe reading until dinner time.

He put on his favorite suit, black with a red tie. He was used to random women of the Gotham Elite to inviting themselves over for dinner to try and court him. The thought amused him how backwards it was. The girls that came by all seemed the same though. He thought that maybe he'd give this one a real chance. Maybe she would keep his mind off of Harley, a distraction if nothing else.

He went downstairs and sat down at his usual seat at the middle of the long dining room table, waiting for yet another girl looking for status and money. He sighed and tapped his fingers on the table. 'Maybe I should apologize to her. Even though she did push me, I should have had better self control than that. I can't believe I did that, how did she get so far under my skin? How did I let her?' He heard the high-heel clad footsteps making their way towards him from the hallway. He stood up and sighed, "Here we go…" he mumbled under his breath.

Harley ran her brush through her hair and then got dressed. The dress fit her like a dream and with the shoes she never felt more beautiful or sexy. As she moved, her graceful movements were accentuated with the light weight of the fabric. Her heart was beating fast, 'Why am I so nervous? It's just a dinner…'

'_Because it could end with more of that hot mouth on yours, Harl and you feel your own want for it.' _She didn't bother to respond to herself as she turned into the dining room.

Harleene Quinzelle and Bruce Wayne both let out a breath they didn't know they'd been holding in. They were both feeling a mix of disappointment and relief at the site of each other. Then they both tensed, one for realization that their identity being exposed, the other embarrassed for beating the other with a mannequin arm.

"Ms. Quinzelle!" Bruce smiled, trying to recover from his initial shock. He had to keep from letting her know that he was the one that brought her here.

Harley smiled, "Call me Harley, everyone does." Bruce was yet again taken aback.

She wasn't using her accent.

"You look…" he took in all of her and exhaled, "beautiful."

She blushed and sat down across from him, "Thanks, Mr.…"

"Call me Bruce."

"Thanks Bruce, it's been so long since I've gotten dressed up like this." She looked around and saw that there were no other places set at the table, "Is Batman not joining us?"

Bruce didn't know whether to be offended that she wanted Batman more than him or to be self-satisfied that Batman had gotten to her as much as she'd gotten to him. "I don't think so, why do you ask?"

"I was curious if he was going to be able to look at me after today."

"He told me about that. He says he's really sorry for that."

"I don't want you to have to get in the middle of this mess between us," she waved dismissively as the butler placed a loaf of bread and olive oil with parmesan cheese for dipping. "Thank you, Mr. P." The butler was surprised at the lack of her usual accent just as Bruce had been.

He smiled very warmly, hoping the new voice would stay, "You're very welcome Dr. Quinzelle." He poured them both a touch of red wine in their glasses.

Harley turned her attention back to Bruce, "In regards to Batman, you can tell him if he's actually sorry for what he did, he can apologize to me personally. For now, why don't we just have as pleasant a dinner as possible?" She smelt then took a small sip of the wine, savoring the flavor. "Red wine," she sighed happily, "it's been ages since I've had some. I'd forgotten how good it can be."

Bruce lifted his glass, "To a pleasant meal?"

She gave him a friendly smile and raised her own glass, "Cheers."

"So how has it been here?"

"It's been alright, I've never lived in such luxury before."

"So you like it here?"

"I would if I were here under different conditions."

"What conditions would those be?"

"I'd like more congenial company, Mr. P is always so busy and Batman and I are usually at each other's throats." She took a piece of bread and dipped it in the oil, taking a bite and then nodding in satisfaction at the simple but delicious taste.

"Maybe he just doesn't know what to do with you."

"He knows what he wants to do with me, I'd say…" she commented dryly taking a sip of wine.

Bruce cringed inwardly, "What is it that you want?"

"Well, like I said I could use a bit more friendly company but I'd also like to be able to go out and do things."

"Well you are on house arrest."

"Not officially."

"Why wouldn't you be officially under house arrest?"

"I'd have to have been caught doing something naughty and then sent to court before it's official of any kind of punishment. My guess is that he wanted to get me before the police could and have my record besmirched more than it already is. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for his hospitality, but right now he's being a bit of a hypocrite."

"How is that?"

"He's committing abduction and last I checked that's illegal."

"Are you planning to get him arrested," Bruce was disappointed to where this conversation was headed.

Harley laughed, "Like the cops could catch him if they tried. It'd look worse on me than him, anyways; they'd want to know why he had me under his house arrest. I'm not stupid enough to try something like that."

"So you're not Batman's biggest fan right now are you?"

"Better him than the cops and I'll leave it at that."

"Do you ever miss your old life?" Not being Batman had its advantages, she'd trust him with more and he could trust her with sentiments he wouldn't dare with his cowl on.

"I miss having my freedom, but I do feel safer here than with the Joker."

"Even with what Batman did earlier today?"

"The Joker would have slapped me for telling him no and taken me that much rougher anyways."

"Have you ever made love with him?"

"We've had sex if that's what you mean."

"I meant has he ever been affectionate towards you?"

"He shows affection differently from other people, he's not exactly normal, you know."

"Do you like things that way?"

"I'd like to be with someone that gives more than just sex. It's nice and all, but I want to be able to cuddle and kiss afterwards. I like it rough, but I like gentle too." She finished the rest of her glass and poured herself a little more wine. "What about you? Must suck to have all those one-nighters."

He blushed, "What do you mean?"

"I've seen you with your dates, Bruce. You're with a different girl every time I've seen you. You do it for appearances; you don't have to be a shrink to see that."

"You assume I don't like these girls?"

"I know. Those girls are all over you but you look bored and annoyed. I know how things work in the elite sector of Gotham; I used to have a lot of clients from there. I did do a little work for a private firm before Arkham. I had a few clients still stuck on you."

"There are some girls I like."

"You're like me, though, Bruce. You like people who are different from others." The butler laid their dishes of beef lasagna in front of them.

"Bon appétit," the butler refilled Bruce's wine glass.

"Thank you."

"You're very welcome, sir."

"Assuming you're right, why would I bother dating those girls?"

"You're a powerful man with a lot of connections, you don't want to lose an ally when all you have to do is date their daughters. No need to ruin business opportunities by turning down a spoiled heiress."

"What if I were to slum it?"

"You're too busy a man to break away from your life to search for someone out of your class. The only way you would date someone is due to convenience. It's all about convenience when it comes to your love life."

"Maybe you're right, but what about you? I'm sure you're sick of people asking you this but why the Joker?"

"I'm not all that sick of the question, actually. It makes me think about it. I was attracted by how unique and different he was… yet he reminds me of someone I used to be close to."

"Who is it that he reminds you of?"

"My first love… he put me through college."

"Ah and is it just because of him reminding you of an old boyfriend that you love him?"

"It's a part of it but not the only thing."

"So why do you stay with him?"

"It's nice to be able to depend on someone and not have automatically write you as one way or another."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, in high school and college, I was the valedictorian. Everyone expected so much from me and put me on a pedestal. Everyone came to me with their problems, social and work related. It was nice to be able to talk to someone and tell them my problems and not write me off as the strong independent smart girl."

"So you just want some security?"

"That's a bit of it."

"What else?"

She smirked before downing her second glass, "Great sex…."

Bruce coughed, choking on his wine at her crude answer.

"Sorry about that, I'm just being honest."

"Well it helps me understand," he coughs a little more. "but what I don't understand: he's sent you to the hospital more than once. Is he really worth all the pain he's put you through?"

"I rarely find someone that I'm attracted to. Love is really hard for me to find. He doesn't mean a lot of the things he does personally. He has a short temper and I'd rather help him relieve his anger by taking the blows than have him ignore me."

"What if you found someone else that wanted to be with you and treated you with respect and gentility?"

"I'm too faithful to him to look elsewhere or admit that I'd like someone else on the off chance that I did find someone that I was attracted to."

"So if you were attracted to someone, you wouldn't admit it?"

"No, but I don't like anyone at the moment."

"That's a pity."

"Oh?" Harley was looking at him with interest. "Does someone like me?"

"Two do, actually."

"Who might they be?"

"I think the Creeper has his eye…"

"Ugh…" she held up her hand, "Don't even mention that guy."

"Don't like him?"

"He comes on too strong."

"The same could be said of you."

"Only to the Joker."

"You know, I think that, even though you won't admit it, you like someone else…" he gave her a coy smile at her glare.

"Sorry to disappoint you, _Brucey_, but I'm taken." She said his name in a mock of the sickly sweet tone his admirers usually used.

Bruce inwardly cringed at her tone with his name, "Ah come on, you're no saint and even saints fall prey to attraction."

"I never claimed to be a saint, I'm claiming to have no interest in another man."

"So you and Ivy, huh?"

"That's not what I meant…"

"Well you two do seem very snug…"

"She's like a sister to me!"

"Not the way I see it. The way she looks at you sometimes is almost predatory."

"What are you fishing for, Bruce?" she snapped.

"I really think you like someone else."

"Why are you so pressed to know one way or the other?"

"I was hoping you would say that you were interested in me."

It was Harley's turn to cough on her wine, "And why is that exactly?" she raised a critical brow, suspicious to say the least.

"I've always liked you, Harley," he gave her a warm sincere smile.

Harley bit her lip, feeling strangely like she was back in high school with a crush. "I don't think your friend, Batman would appreciate you moving in on someone he likes like this."

Batman had to pretend not to like Harley for fear of being used; it was a dangerous for Batman to get romantically involved with Harley. Bruce didn't have that danger, he didn't have to pretend. Bruce stood up and leaned over the table, reaching out to touch Harley's cheek. "Should I do it a little more like this?" He leaned forward a little more and Harley could feel his warm lips meet hers with a fiery passion.


	6. VI Shut Up and Sleep With Me LEMON

VI. Shut Up and Sleep With Me

_**Warning: This chapter contains LEMON aka SEX if you are offended by such things skip the part under and over the line of *'s.**_

Harley couldn't believe it; she'd just gotten kissed by the second guy that day. Her head was spinning suddenly from the rush of the kiss and the buzz of the wine. She could hear little angel Harley screaming in the back of her head that she was betraying the Joker. The devil Ivy was whispering in her ear to get the rich playboy in bed.

The kisses were getting heavier and deeper, more passionate and out of control. It didn't stop until Harley gasped at the light touch of Bruce's hand over her thinly covered breast. He backed away panting. Looking into his eyes she no longer had Joker on the mind but whether or not she wanted Batman or Bruce. Her head was in a fog and she fought to get out of that fog.

He leaned in as if to kiss her again, but instead he whispered, "Do you like Batman, Harley?"

Harley was knocked hard off guard. The question came out of left field and it made her think. The passionate playboy or the stoic dark knight; which one did she like?

The answer was very simple and produced a simple honest answer, "Yes, but I like you too." He looked at her with eyes just a fierce as Batman's had been earlier that day. His kisses were as fiery and his touches set off just as many electric shivers. How was she supposed to choose? Bruce leaned in and gave her another kiss, this one chaste.

Bruce stroked her cheek gently, "Batman needs you more than I do, Harley." By the time Harley's brain put the sentence together, he'd left the room before she could protest. She stood up too quickly for her hazed brain to allow so she fell back into her seat.

She just slouched forward putting her head on her arms, "What have you gotten yourself into?" The alcohol in her was working as a magnifier for her emotion and she got pissed. Whenever Harley drank she had a tendency to dwell on bad things if she was in a foul mood.

Visions of the Joker's face laughing and flirting with Victoria Summers started flooding her mind. As her anger started to build she could smell the burnt rubber in her nostrils as the vision of the getaway car was speeding off without her. She was starting to see red and needed some release. She wanted his blood, wanted him to suffer. She wanted to embarrass, enrage, and shame the Joker. She made up her mind then and there that the next chance she had to do so wouldn't go to waste.

"Are you alright, Harley?" Harley's head shot up and she saw her opportunity. It wasn't about love, it never would be, or at least that's what she told herself.

'Batman doesn't love; he's fucking Batman, so why should I love him?' He came up to her and she didn't give him the chance to say anything before she pulled him down and kissed him just as roughly as he had earlier that day. 'If I can't get love, I'll damn well get revenge, and get mine on the way.'

Batman moved away from the kiss shocked. "What's gotten into you?"

"Play your cards right, B-man, you'll get into me." She roughly pulled him back down, running her nails down the side of his neck and whispering, "I want you, happy? I admit I want to be with the big bad Batman."

He almost scoffed, smelling the wine on her breath, "What about the Joker?" The fire in her belly ignited higher.

"What about that jerk off?! I want a real man, Bats, and I think you fit the bill perfectly." Somewhere in the back of her head, Angel Harley fainted at Harley's audacity and Devil Ivy was cheering her on every second of the way.

Batman is a master of control, but even saints succumb to the most extreme of temptations; Batman wasn't a saint to start with. He knew she was drunk and he knew that in her mind he was just a revenge lay, but damn if he didn't need some human interaction right now. He was close to falling off the edge, and he needed someone to anchor him to reality.

As Harley boldly groped his crotch, he couldn't help but think if he had her around reality would be easier… or someone like her, he didn't love her; he could never love the Joker's love toy. That's all she was, a toy. She was Joker's and now she was his to play with. He would make good of this opportunity, even though a part of him was disappointed about the situation not conducing to love.

Harley got up and wrapped her arms around his neck, her lips claiming his possessively and her body pressing closely to his. When she broke the kiss she whispered with a husky tone, "Take me upstairs, Batboy."

"It's Batman," he corrected.

"Not until I get done with you it's not." She bit his neck playfully. Batman was shocked, as passionate as some women had been towards him they'd never teased him like this while giving him what he wanted. It made his fire for her burn brighter. He picked her up, wrapping her legs around his hips while cupping her ass to keep her up.

"Saying I'm not a man?" He ground his hips against hers so that she could feel the swollen member pitching a tent in batman's pants.

"We'll see once you get me in bed," she purred, starting to lick at his ear. He was only wearing the mask that covered the upper half of his face so his neck and ears were open and vulnerable. Harley took full advantage, teasing both spots mercilessly when not massaging Batman's tongue with her own.

Batman kicked open his bedroom door his hands busy with groping Harley's left butt cheek and holding the back of her head into the deep kiss they were sharing. Neither of them had ever felt quite like this before. For Batman it was the bold demanding nature of her passion and for Harley it was the attentiveness to all of her, not just what she would use to pleasure him.

He threw her down on the bed before eagerly stripping off his shirt and then his pants. Harley nearly ripped her dress in half struggling with the zipper in the back. When she looked up taking off her panties, she saw Batman naked and she licked her lips. "Damn Bats, I always knew you had a great body but who knew you had such a yummy cock?"

His manhood twitched and he smirked, "Want a taste, Harley?" She nodded, but before she could get up, Batman put his hands on her shoulders. "Wait a second." He got on his back and picked her up to where she was straddling his face and her face was mere inches from his throbbing member.

His mouth dove hungrily into the sweet inviting folds of her glistening pussy. He spread her lips with his fingers and lovingly ran his tongue from her entrance to her clit. Her scent drove him wild, made him impossibly hard as he ate her delicious core. Harley, with equal eagerness, ran her tongue over his thick lengthy cock. Taking him into her mouth felt a little odd at first at the angle, but she got used to it quickly and worked him deep into her hot mouth. She even got some down her throat, loving that she was getting licked all the while.

Each of them worked the others' most intimate organs expertly, the room around them becoming thick with the sound of moans and panting as well as the scent of both of their arousal. Neither could remember feeling this good before and it spurred them on, both imagining the feeling of when their bodies would actually join together. Batman couldn't believe that he was starting to sweat and shake, already getting so close just by her sweet mouth.

"Harley, I'm close," he grunted out, "what do you want me to do?" Harley didn't answer, but continued to suck him with ardor. She moved her hips down and whimpered as she ground her wet pussy against his mouth again, silently asking him to continue his tongue work. He complied and began working more franticly as he came closer to the edge. He could tell by the desperate thrusting of her hips she was close too. They were both close and just needed that little bit more to go over the edge.

Harley was the first to go over that edge. She came hard and would have been loud if Batman's dick hadn't caught the sound. Batman happily drank the juices that were now flowing thickly from her twitching sex. Harley gave him a few deep swallows and he began thrusting up towards her pleasurable lips.

He warned her again, "Harley, I'm going to cum…" he was holding back to keep from doing something that would upset her. She gave him a deep hard suck and he lost it, letting his seed spurt down her throat and then once she moved up a little in her mouth and on her tongue. He growled out, "Harley!" as he let loose the rest of his cum.

After he stopped cumming, Harley rolled off and sat next to him looking at him. His eyes were closed and his chest was heaving with his panting. When he opened his eyes, he looked up to see Harley watching him, eyes a little wide from amazement.

"What?" he lightly breathed out.

"You're… you're still hard…even after you came." He looked down and sure enough his manhood was standing just as proud as it had been before the wonderful lips of Harley Quinn.

"Yeah I can go a few times before I lose my hard on." He smiled noticing she'd swallowed all of his seed. He couldn't deny that Harley had just given him the best oral sex he'd ever had and by the look on her face, she was ready now for something more. "Harley are you sure you want to do this with me?"

Harley crawled on top of him and gave him a forceful kiss, "Just shut up and sleep with me, B-man, I want more and I want it now." It was so refreshing to be able to be on top and call a few shots here and there.

"Well then what are you waiting for?" He reached up and grabbed two handfuls of ass before giving one of the cheeks a light hearted swat. She let out a little squeak before straddling his hips, nestling his still hard member between her wet nether lips. ]

"Good things come to those who wait…" watching him, she rocked her hips sandwiching his length between his stomach and her core.

"And how long am I going to be waiting?" He gripped her hips, his hands trailing up her sides and then groping her breasts.

"About as long as I can resist you."

"And how long will that be."

"Right around now." She raised her hips and adjusted his thick manhood at her entrance. "Ready?" Batman was about to growl out in frustration before she slid every last inch into her vice like snatch. They both moaned out when her lips touched his black pubic hair and all of him was engulfed in her tight wetness.

"God Harley, you're so tight!" He gripped her hips tightly but let her move at her own rhythm and speed. It wasn't often that he'd had a woman volunteer to be on top and even less often that he had a woman that was good at it. She leaned forward, her breasts right in front of his face, tempting him with them. He put one of his hands off of her hip and moved it up her back to hold her in place as he reached up to swirl and suckle on each nipple. Once his mouth was free, he gave her a cheeky smirk, grabbing her ass again, urging her to go a little harder, "For once the Harley's riding me."

She laughed, "I'm sure you prefer it this way." She took his lead and rode him harder their bodies working harder against each others', her hands on her chest as he adjusted his legs and planted his feet to put his legs into thrusting up into her.

"Damn right." He closed his eyes and took control, grabbing her hips and thrusting up into her, enjoying the electric sensation of every thrust that he knew she was feeling too. Needing to go harder, he flipped her on her back and really laid into her.

Her squeals and deep moans drove him on; it seemed everything about her just endlessly turned him on. The way her breasts jiggled with every deep thrust and the way she bucked her hips back, it was all so good. The best part for him was that he knew he wasn't the only one enjoying it. He was going to have scratch marks on his back in the morning and hickeys all over his chest shoulders and neck, but he could care less. It was all too good to even think about anything other than this second.

Her legs were wrapped around his hips and she was thrusting back as hard as she could, one hand raking her nails down his back and the other in his hair forcing his head down to kiss her. The kiss was rough but not bruising, meanwhile their eyes only ever remained half lidded not wanting to miss a second.

Harley couldn't believe sex with the Batman was like this. She didn't know what she was expecting but this was not it and she couldn't be happier about it. She smirked as she squeezed him with her inner muscles and he groaned loudly. Harley smirked self satisfied, 'Bet you don't get too many girls that can do that, do you?' She was also pleased to see he was starting to become erratic with his thrusts and his panting was getting heavier. She was wearing out the bat.

She held on tightly to him, her arms around his neck, and she kept squeezing him. He held the back of her head into his shoulder as he bit down on her neck. It was sudden but it was powerful, he groaned loudly into her neck, she felt the vibrations of his voice and then could feel her tight core begin to fill full of his seed. She'd never had anyone cum in her and something about that just drove her over the last few thrusts from him caused her eyes to roll back and her mouth to let out a giant wail of pleasure before biting into his shoulder. Her hips rode out her orgasm, relishing every last bit of movement as he held himself up over her.

They were both panting and sweating and inspecting the others flushed face. Batman let himself drop to the side of her, never taking his eyes off of her. She had her eyes closed just basking in the powerful orgasm she just had. He put his arm under her neck and rolled her against his side, reveling in the feeling of her curvaceous body on his. She tucked her head against his chest, her energy mostly drained for the effort of her lovemaking.

No, not lovemaking, that couldn't be, not with him. They'd just fucked like two rabbits in mating season and that suited her just fine. The only reason she wasn't pushing him off was that she was so tired, yeah tired was what it was. She felt her eyelids get heavy and a sheet lightly drape over her skin. It wasn't too much longer that she fell asleep in the arms of the one and only Batman.

He kissed the top of her blonde-dyed hair. "You are amazing, Harley," he whispered. He followed her into a deep and peaceful sleep, for the first time in years he would get a restful nights sleep.

It was just a pity that the morning would not be as peaceful or pleasant as the night that preceded it.


	7. VII Back At The Funny Farm

VII. Shock to the System

Dear readers,

I know this chapter has been a long time coming and I'm sorry for that, I know it's way over due. I'd like to give out a personal thanks to my favorite muse who has helped me play out a lot of the plot through role play, especially that last chapter. Anyways thanks for all y'all's kind words and criticisms, they're most appreciated.

Love Always,

Mad Mary

P.S. I will be using a few lines from Tank Girl in here, brownie points if you can spot them!

Harley was watching the news, her friend Pamela in the kitchen making dinner. She looked tirelessly at the screen, she'd been doing so for hours.

"You know, Harl, I've heard that staring at something that long will ruin your eyes."

"Ah, don' worry 'bout me, Red, I'm fine."

"It's not much use watching the news for him."

"Yeah the news crews nevah could getta holda him for long…"

"I was referring to the fact he's in Arkham…"

Harley blushed, "Well there could be new news from the gossip mill, ya never know, right?" she was glad her friend didn't catch her glaring at the television where Bruce had a snobby brunette on his arm. 'Don' be jealous, Harl, ya were just another screw ta him…' Pam handed Harley her plate.

"You know, Harl, ever since you came back here, you seem… different."

"Whatcha mean, Red?" Harley asked, mouthful of salad.

"It's like soemthing's happened… I can't put my finger on it but your depth is showing."

"My depth?"

"One reason I've always lost my temper with you was because I _knew_ you're very intelligent and capable but you refused to show it. Did you know you haven't mentioned that clown by name since you came here a week ago?"

"Nah, I hadn't noticed. I guess my mind is off in dreamland."

"Look Harl, I love you and care a lot about you. You seemed really shook up when you first arrived and before now I haven't asked any questions… where did you disappear to these last few weeks? No one was able to get into contact with you and I know you weren't in Arkham either."

Harley debated with herself. She obviously couldn't lie and say it was with the Joker, he'd been in Arkham and Pam had most likely made a mental note of when Harley had gone missing. Should she tell? 'Well if I had ta tell anyone, it'd be Red. How would she look at me after that, though?'

"I…" she sighed, "got caught by Batman, he put me unda house arrest."

Ivy's brows furrowed, "House arrest?"

"Yeah I know. That's what he called it. Said he wanted ta set me straight."

"And did he set you straight?"

'Horizontally, yeah…' she thought before saying, "Would I be here if he did? I amscrayed outta there first chance I got." Thinking on Pam's question she wasn't sure if her question had a double meaning to it.

"It does seem strange that he'd put you on house arrest instead of just sending you to Arkham as always."

"Ya know, it really wasn't all bad… he was actually kinda… nice ta me."

"Ivy raised an eyebrow, "Careful Harl, for a second it sounded like you like Batman," she teased.

"I nevah really hated him, Red, that's more Mistah J's thing."

"Did he… do anything to you?" she asked seriously worried.

"L-like what?" Harley blushed not entirely sure where this was going.

"Drug you, restrain you, anything like that?"

"Oh! Nah, he just let me live like a normal person," she shrugged.

"That's not quite what I heard," Harley and Ivy turned to see Cat Woman on the windowsill, satisfied grin on her face.

'Shit!' Harley panicked a little knowing that she had known Bruce intimately at one point in time and they may still talk. At a pang of jealousy, she rolled her easy and said, "Gee, Red look what the cat dragged in."

"Oh _how_ original," it was Cat Woman's turn to roll her eyes.

"Well I figa since you've been usin those ol' cat puns ta death that I could take a _stab_ at it."

"Say what you will, Quinn, I happen to know from a reliable source that you didn't even try to break out of the little 'house arrest' until about a month after you got there."

Ivy couldn't help but feel like a mother looking at two squabbling children, 'How ridiculous' she thought.

"Security was tight, I was tryin' the whole time."

"Oh save it, Batman has pretty loose lips around me..." she smirked.

Harley glared, "Don'tcha mean that the otha way around? Or could that be wrong? I mean it's not just fa him right?" she sneered the statement.

"Oh and this coming from the psycho clown's masochistic little slut."

"Least I know everyone I sleep with!"

"Oh really, so he told you his secret identity or did you take off his mask in his sleep afterwards?"

Ivy had pretty much rolled her eyes at the argument up until that point, "What are you suggesting?"

"That house arrest was better for her that she lets on. So tell me, was he good?"

"How should I know?"

"Because you slept with him you spazzy little tramp!"

"Harley did you really?" Ivy would never have guessed that Harley would do that with anyone other than the Joker.

"I was drunk and it was a mistake…" Harley had her hands balled at her sides head downcast as she angrily mumbled out her response.

"Don't worry, I'll be sure to take_ good_ care of him," at her gloating and suggestive tone, Harley leapt forward and shoved Cat Woman off the windowsill that she was perched on. This made Cat Woman fall backwards, but she managed to grab the sill before she could plummet.

"Betta take care of _yaself_ first before I take all a ya nine lives!" Harley slammed the window shut, barely missing Cat Woman's fingers as she leapt to the next building and caught hold of a fire escape. Harley stormed away from the window to go into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

*~~One Week Ago~~*

For the first morning in a long time, Bruce woke up truly refreshed. He felt the warm beams of the sun over his body, relaxing him. He felt rested and content, but when he stretched out his powerful body, the pillow next to his was not only unoccupied but as cold as the room around it.

His heart rate skyrocketed within mere seconds. He sprung up out of bed first checking the empty bathroom. His stomach jumped into his throat when he came back into the bedroom and saw his mask on the pillow. She'd seen his true face; she knew who he was. Within minutes, she could have the Joker rain down his sick brand of violence and torment on him and those he loved at any time.

Desperately he ran down the hall to her bedroom, seeing nothing out of place save for a small note on the pristine bed linens.

'_Dear Bruce/B-man,_

_Last night was fun and all, but it can't happen again. It was a mistake and I'm still Mr. J's girl. I appreciate all you've done for me this past month, but after last night I had to go. Hope there's no hard feelings, B-Man._

_Sincerely,_

_Harley Quinn_

_P.S. Don't worry about the mask thing, you're secret's safe with me.'_

The letter id very little to make Bruce feel better. He felt a sting every time he re-read the lines about last night being a mistake and that she was still the clown's. It irked him beyond all belief that she'd just run away.

'She stayed by _his_ side even when he beat her senseless. All it took for her to leave me was one night in bed…' Bruce went back to his room and paced trying to figure things out.

Alfred stopped by to deliver breakfast, "Good Morning Master Batman."

"It's okay, Alfred, she's gone…"

"Oh dear. Please forgive me that I wasn't able to stop her."

"That's alright Alfred, I shouldn't have been keeping her here…"

"If I may sir?"

"Go ahead."

Alfred put his tray down on the trolley he'd brought with him. He sighed thinking of how to put things gently. "Perhaps the problem wasn't that you were keeping her here, but something else?"

"What could I have done to chase her off?" he was almost too frustrated to think.

"Perhaps she did not appreciate your sexual advances, sir?"

"She was just as much a participant as I was!"

"I am not suggesting that you took her by force, sir. Perhaps your advances were a tad… premature shall I say?"

Bruce sighed , "Maybe. I have to find her to fix this mess, at least talk it out a bit with her."

"That could use a little time, sir."

"What do you mean, Alfred?"

"Dr. Quinzel might still be a tad upset. She would need a little time to get her wits about her." Alfred wasn't sure who would need the time to settle down more, Bruce or Harley.

"You're right, I'll give it some time to settle for her."

"Yes sir," Alfred could hear Bruce trying to convince himself that it was just for her, the time. "Would you like me to reschedule any of your appointments today?"

After a little thought, he answered, "No, I can't put a halt on my life just because I made a small mistake."

It wasn't too much longer that Bruce was dressed and out the door, Alfred looking from the front door as Bruce drove off. Alfred was worried that Bruce would sink himself into a new workload just to distract himself from what was going on. He knew that his employer was a very competent man, but love and relationships were an area of life he had terribly limited experience in.

Harley was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling as if the popcorn ceiling would give her any answers. Deciding that it wasn't going to, she turned on her side to look at the little framed picture she had of the Joker on her nightstand. Why wasn't as much fire there? Why didn't she just _burn_ to be with him as she used to?

"'t's all his fault…" Harley whispered into the pillow she hugged against herself. "He pulled something… messed with my head to make me fahget, but I won't!" Wondering why she wasn't with the Joker now, she realized, "Oh no! I gotta bust my puddin' out!"

Her mind started to kick into high gear as she went through how she would free not only the Joker, but her friends from Arkham as well: Scarecrow, Riddler, Mad Hatter, Scarface, and even Livewire… more for Ivy that herself. "Yeah… that'll show 'im how reformed I am!"

Her mind halted its wild pace as she heard a knock on her door. "Harl it's me, mind if we talk?" Ivy poked her head in the room with a look of concern that seemed to be reserved only for Harley.

"Come in, Red, I was jus' thinking."

Pam came in and sat down on the bed next to Harley, "Is what Cat Woman said true? I know she does lie, but you did seem to react really pretty strongly for it to be just a lie, Harl."

"Are ya mad at me, Red?" Harley asked knowing there was no use denying it to her perceptive friend.

"I just wish I could have known sooner, you should know you can tell me anything, Harl."

"I didn't think ya'd like it.."

"Harl, there are a lot of things you do that I don't like, but I love you and I'm always there when you need me aren't I?"

"Yeah ya are…" Harley felt guilty for withholding this from her friend.

"So when something like this comes up and weighs on your mind tell me." She stroked Harley's head in a very loving motherly way.

"I will, Red, I promise. Girl scout's honor!" she held up her right hand.

"Were you really drunk?"

"Yeah… had a lotta wine, it hit me pretty hard."

"Do you regret it?"

Automatically Harley answered, "Yes!"

"Calm down, Harl. I wouldn't be mad at you if you didn't regret it you know. I've often wondered myself what he would be like, " she assured her friend, "He'd be better for you than the Joker anyways…"

Harley wanted to defend her puddin' but couldn't find the words.

"So how was he?"

"What?" Harley asked a little flusterd.

Ivy chuckled a little, "How was he in bed, Harley?"

"Different from what I'm used ta…" she admitted blushing.

"Did you like it?" Ivy pried.

"Don' rememba that well… " she lied.

"Did you see his face?" Ivy couldn't hold back her curiousity.

"Nah… he wore a mask the whole time… I didn't want to risk wakin him up I just left quick as I could." Promises were promises and this one she knew she had to keep for Bruce's safety. His secret would be kept safe.

"Do you think you'll ever do it again?"

Harley was about to shoot out a quick 'no' but something stopped her. 'Will I ever do it again?'

"Harl? Harley!" Ivy waved her hand in front of Harley's face.

"Oh sorry… can't really say fer sure, Red."

"Do you want to?"

Harley shook her head and gave a sad chuckle, "Could ya just imagine what Mistah J would do if he found out? He'd have my head!"

"Doesn't answer my question, Harl. It's okay for you to want him, we all want something at some point that we probably shouldn't, but it doesn't change the fact we like it; it's just really how we feel. Look me in the eye and tell me that it wasn't at least a little exciting."

"It kinda caught me off guard that's fer sure. I woulda neva guessed that he wanted me like that…"

"You two just out of the blue had sex?" Ivy looked at her with skepticism before throwing her hands up in frustration, "I know you better than that Harley! That isn't like you!"

"Well I guess it wasn't completely outta left field. He kinda pushed me up against the wall after sparring once."

"What did he do after he pushed you!" Ivy was getting mad, she thought the Dark Knight was at least a little more chivalrous than that.

"It wasn't like that Red. We just kissed… he was just being a lil aggressive." Harley was blushing at just how aggressive she remembered him being.

"You _did_ like it didn't you?" Ivy smirked as she saw Harley's blush. "Must've been good enough if he made you forget about the Joker."

Harley glared, "No! He didn't make me forget!"

"He was the reason you haven't been talking about the clown though, isn't he?"

"No!" Harley childishly denied, "I've just been busy thinking."

"Oh yeah?" She threw another skeptic look Harley's way, "What about?"

"A plan," Harley said vaguely.

"A plan?" Ivy wasn't sure she was liking the direction this was going, "Dare I ask?"

"Ta bust our pals out!" Ivy cringed knowing exactly which 'pal' Harley wanted to free most.

"Harl are you so sure that's such a good idea? Before Batman took you in you were a free woman!"

"House arrest is still arrest Red, I'm probably wanted right now!"

"I checked two days ago, you're not wanted."

This news surprised Harley she figured that Batman would inform the police of her being an accomplice to kidnapping. "That changes things..." Harley said thoughtfully.

Ivy sighed in relief, "I'm glad you're being sensible."

"Of course! We have to do this covertly." Ivy nearly slapped her own forehead .

"This could land you in Arkham again!" That wasn't really Ivy's main concern, but it bothered her to see that Harley seemed so eager to go back to the clown even after she'd gotten a little preview of what could be a better life.

"Even if we get Live Wire out?" Harley tempted.

Ivy's brow furrowed, "Live Wire? What about her?"

"I thought ya liked her, I mean ya seemed ta last time we worked together."

"Not entirely my type, besides isn't she in Metropolis?"

"They moved her to Arkham since it's surrounded by water and Metropolis Prison is crap," Harley paused for a moment confused, "Whatya mean she's not 'your type'?"

"What I mean is she's cute and all but I'm not sure I'd actually date her…" Ivy shrugged.

"Oh, I meant as a friend."

"Oh…" Ivy rubbed her upper arm as they both sat in an awkward silence.

"Gonna help me Red?" Harley asked deciding to break the silence.

"What's the plan?" It took her no time to respond.

"Alright, first we free Live Wire…" Harley proceeded to tell her plan to Ivy, who was happy to be out of that stifling awkwardness. Once the two had the plan down they decided to head to bed to get rested for the day ahead.

"Night Harl." Ivy got up to head to her room.

"Hey Red?" Harley called to Ivy's retreating back.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about earlier if it seemed like I was freaked out, I was just sahprised is all."

"Why were you so surprised?"

Harley shrugged innocently, "Ya just seemed like such a maneatah."

"Night Harl, " Ivy said chuckling and glad her friend wasn't scared off.

"Night Red."

Pamela closed the door to Harley's room and walked back to her room, "Dodged a real bullet tonight…" she talked to her little potted plant before turning the lights off.

It took two days of preparation to get the plan together, but the girls were happy with what they'd come up with. Harley felt that familiar rush as she drove a recently stolen laundry service truck. She and her partner managed to disguise themselves as old women. First part of the plan, getting in, had gone off without a hitch.

Harley had to fight the urge to run straight to her puddin's cell, instead they visited all the low security rooms, gathering bed sheets and whispering gently that they had better get ready to run… well only to the ones sane enough to keep quiet about it.

Then they made it to the cell that would start the jailbreak. Using their temporary pass cards as the laundry workers, they opened the door to the rubber room. Since it was night time, Live Wire was strapped with tire like rubber restraints to her bed. She seemed happy to see them; laundry ladies meant freedom at least from the bed.

"Thank God! It's already bad enough I gotta stay in this giant muggy flesh light, but a girl can't sleep in just one position all night all the time! It's like fucking, missionary's only good for a few times before ya need to move." She was trying to shock the two 'old laundry workers'.

Harley snickered, "Poor thing! Don't worry we'll get ya a pillow ta put unda yer ass, maybe that'll help ya find all the good spots."

Live Wire's head shot up, "Red? Hayley?"

"Harley," the clown girl corrected flatly.

"Whatever! Just get me outta this bed!"

"I dunno, looks real comfy ta me…" Harley sing songed.

Live Wire gave Harley a dark glare and ground out, "It's really, really hard to play with myself in this thing!"

"Relax, Leslie, Harl's just playing." Ivy soothed as she and Harley both worked quickly to free Live wire from her bed. "By the way we need a small favor, mind obliging?"

"Depends. Will this favor include me giving the one finger salute to Arkham?"

"Actually it'll give the place hell."

"I'm in! What are your orders, Capitan?"

"We need you to go through and destroy all the cameras and open all the cell doors that you can. Any other damage you want to cause is your prerogative."

"Alright, but uh I'ma need a little juice first to get me going."

"Lemme guess? It ain't the heat it's the humidity?" Harley fished out two jars filled with a see through yellow liquid, some kind of special sap. She threw each one at a vent in the rubber room and the liquid expanded and hardened, successfully blocking the vents and humidity.

Harley then got out a car battery with jumper cables attached and looked at them quizzically, reaching forward as if to attach them to Live Wire's nipples through her gown. "Uh… which one is positive?"

"Harley!" Ivy scolded.

"What it's not like they're labeled 'r nothin'!"

"Actually, " she said matter of factly, "It's my left, has a nerve that goes straight down," when she noticed Harley looking at her seriously she rolled her eyes, "I don't need the cables, ya freak! Just gimme the damn battery!" Live Wire took the battery draining it dry of its power. "Bet you got the idea from your boyfriend," Harley glared before she added a muttering, "I always knew he was some kinda freaky…" With a gleeful chuckle, she zapped straight into the nearest camera absorbing its power, exploding it then repeating it simultaneously to all the cameras on the grid.

When Live Wire found the security room, she managed to knock the guard out. Taking the mic she spoke over the loud speakers, "Hellllllo Arkham! This is Live Wire coming to you straight from the main security room! That's right it's your hostess with the mostest here to put a shock to your systems. How does the inmates running the asylum hit you guys? Love it? Yeah me too." With that she flipped every door open that could be opened electronically from the control room. The guards had made their way to the room banging on the locked door trying to ram it down. "Uh oh! Looks like Arkham's lamest have come to shut me down! It's been swell kiddies but the swelling's gone down! Stay crazy Arkham!"

Zapping out of the room, Livewire followed Ivy out towards the van as Harley made her way towards the cell that she'd come for in the first place. She was very pleased to see him pressed against the glass and grinning at her.

"Back up, Puddin!" She put a bomb at his cell and didn't have too long before the explosion sounded. She cringed noting that some of the blast had hit the Joker, knocking him unconscious with quite possibly some broken bones and a very bloody cut on his head. Biting her lip she ran in she surveyed the damage and decided it was not as bad as it looked. Picking him up, she cradled him whispering a little sorry before slinging the Joker rather haphazardly into the bin of dirty clothes, hoping the linens would be enough of a cushion for him as she used the clothes bin to both wheel him out and ram guards out of the way. She managed to make it out to the truck just as Ivy stopped right in front of her, tires screeching. Livewire was sitting beside her absorbing just a little more power from the van.

"Hurry up, Harl before they close the gates and draw the bridge!" Harley managed to just get herself and the Joker in as Ivy floored it again. Ivy cursed loudly as she saw the bridge drawing up and the gate making its way closed. "Fuck! I'm not going back!"

"I got it!" Livewire shot out the van and quicker than the guard could register, she was on him and slamming his head into the control panel she entered its circuit effectively halting the gate and bridge but not opening it any more.

It wasn't without trouble that Ivy managed to just barely scrape past the gate and jump the small gap that the slightly drawn bridge had. "I can't believe we made it, and without the alarm sounding!"

"Frying the system can make that a little difficult, but it won't be long til the Gotham pigs come sniffing around from the ruckus," Livewire was seated again comfortably in the passenger seat of the Van. "What now? I could sure go for a shopping spree. And the super bitch will be none the wiser," she sing songed with glee.

"You can do what you want, but Harley and I are going home for now to lay low for a while," Ivy said seriously, going to the parking lot of an old abandoned theater and driving out back to switch cars.

Livewire frowned and waved her finger in the air sarcastically, "Home again home again jiggity jig. C'mon!" Ivy got out and went around the back to open the doors and saw Harley cradling the Joker. She let out an exasperated sigh, shaking her head. "The pigs don't know about us yet, can't we just raid one little store, I mean it looks like you could use some company," she said indicating the clowngirl nursing her psycho boyfriend.

Ivy considered Livewire's words only a moment or two before nodding in hesitant defeat, "Harley," she gestured her head towards the escape car, "Better get back to the old comedy club, before he wakes up again." Harley nodded, putting her precious cargo over her shoulder. After laying him in the back seat, she drove off.

Ivy sighed disappointed that her friend didn't even say goodbye. Her pouting was interrupted by Livewire's voice, "Still obsessed, I see, real shocker." Livewire rolled her eyes.

Ivy's face deadpanned at the lame pun from her, "Catwoman's a bad enough violator of abusing puns, don't join her club."


End file.
